The Diary of a Normal Guy

How I Saved This World From Total Blackout

I had slept the whole day. And I was NOT planning on getting up in a dozen more hours or so. But fate had other plans. What happened was that I made the mistake of opening my right eye a wee bit just to let in this dazzling light escaping from the partially-open door of the bathroom. I was dragged off my bed by this mysterious radium of an object and to my utter disappointment or relief, it was only a pair of underwear lying right at the edge of the door. And it was reflecting the tube’s light in the bathroom which some goddamn son of a… I had forgotten to turn off the light.

The undies were drenched, totally unrecognizable. And I was sleepy. Whose were they? I calmly took the liberty of investigating it.

“Ooh Charlie, what’s this? What do you see?”

“I see maroon-coloured hearts on them, over.” (The hell? What’s the point of having maroon hearts on a dark blue background?)

“Definitely not mine, over.”

So I take them to her room (she was not home, obviously) and search for a pile of ready-to-wash clothes — which was in a corner. The pile was lying there like a lump of jelly. There was a lot of pink. I just threw the damn undies on top of the mess without giving a rat’s tail. Bless me! Oh, but then she would have gotten suspicious. (‘What the heck was he up to?’)

“Charlie, we have a problem!”

After a good deal of calculations with a head as cool as a penguin’s, I smartly inserted the underwear in between her another pair of underwear (Lord, another one!) and some whatever-girls-wear. No sweat. Although,  I am usually jumpy when it comes to treasured clothing of the opposite sex, I practically gangnam-styled out of the room and high-fived myself for the job well done. Over and out.

When she got back from work, she went straight to the bathroom and stood there staring at the tiles for a full three minutes. And I, like the dumbest zombie, stood watching her for a full three minutes. And then she looked at me and went straight to her room slamming the door behind her. THADAAM! (How eloquent, mi lady!) I too went to my room and tried to slam the door as hard as I could, only to smash my toe. Anyway, I got back to my mission which I had been planning, ever since I rediscovered radium, all the while this exhausting adventure was going on — sleep.

I smiled as my head fell deep into the pillow (all in slow motion), imagining her immense gratitude for my smooth work. But she wasn’t exactly pleased. Why? I had to choose between leaving the underwear dying in the bathroom, or giving them a fresh breath of life by dropping them in her very room. What would have you done?

It was only long after closing my eyes I realized the blunder I had thundered. And I couldn’t help laughing all night. That pair of undies… well, that was of another flatmate. I guess. Which leaves me with one question – – why did this girl go straight to the bathroom and conjure all that dramarama? Was it simply because I turned off the light?

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? Kill me for saving some electricity and rescuing this world from a possible global blackout.

 


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